To: Divorcee with a Cough

Could you please see a doctor for your cough? Something is just not right here. You have been coughing for weeks now! I pity the Arrogant Co-Worker (you know, the guy with bad dandruff who once asked me for a pad of lined refill? WTF?!) who sits across from you; you're basically spraying his face with your venom every day.

While we're at it, I have another favour to ask. I think I can speak for most of us here when I say that we are truly sick of hearing about your divorce proceedings. I don't care and if I could, I'd divorce you from this office.

I'm sure all of this takes a toll on you but a quick visit to the doctor for the cough would be a start. Changing your diet (which I've observed is horrendous) and working-out might help that stretched portion of your stomach that is almost covering your crotch like a mud-flap if you were a truck. And a tan would be good too.