To: New Hire #2

I'll give you a better name as soon as I get to know you better.

Well congratulations to you too ... in a few minutes you're going to get your offer letter as well. Right now you probably think this is the greatest thing ever (and I suppose for someone like you, this is) but its only a matter of time before you hate it here as well.

There are a few things I think you need to work on right off the bat:

1. I'd lose the buzz cut thing you've got going on. I hate it.
2. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. All you did was look at my desk when you spoke with me ... I almost mistook you for my boss who scans my desk everytime he passes me to see what's on it.
3. Learn how to correctly pronounce the name of the person you're here to meet with. Last week you didn't even know his name and today you said a word that rhymes with his name. Well, not an English word but you made some sort of sound that I think was similar to his name.

So good luck here ... you look like you'll fit in just perfectly ..... with everyone except me.