To: Other-Office Colleague

You just called me with one the types of calls I've bitched about in the past! Why?! Why?! Do you do it?!! I don't understand!

YOU: Hi, I just called and left a message for [name withheld] and he's not there.

*silence*

ME: [OMG! Yes you're right, he's not there, hence you leaving a message. What the fuck do you want me to do about it?! Oh wait, hold on, let me drop everything I'm doing right now to go walk around the office to see if he is here. If it's in a meeting, I'll go interrupt it so he can take your call. If he's in the bathroom, I'll pull him away from the urinal mid-stream so he can take your call. If he's out for lunch, I'll comb the fucking city so I can find him for you!!]

Oh let me just go see if he's here then.
[slamming the phone on to a pad of paper as I walk away ... I notice he's here, tell him you're calling and transfer the call but did something wrong and hung-up on you. Ha ha]