To: What's-Your-Name?

OK first let me explain why I've given you this name. Basically, I don't know what your name is. See, you have 3 names, the order in which they are to be read is a mystery to me. Your employment letter says one thing, you've told people to call you another, and from what I understand one of these words actually means Mr. and isn't really part of your name anyway. I think I've been calling you by your last name this whole time. Whatever, I've given you a new name; don't like it - too bad, you're stuck with it.

So you blew a fuse in the kitchen. I was totally in the middle of instant messaging 3 friends while typing an email to another. Can't you see I'm busy?!

It's fine, it's not your fault. You just can't have the toaster oven on at the same time as the microwave. Yes, it's that sad. Oh and don't even think of turning the kettle on if the coffee machine is on at the same time.