When you walked by me this morning and I didn't say hello or good-morning, was the tone in your voice when you did (say good-morning to me, that is) supposed to indicate your annoyance that I didn't acknowledge you?
In the last meeting we had, all you did was brag about your accomplishements. In today's meeting, just because someone points out you are the bottleneck to the successful completion of your project, you're nothing but a defensive whiny little bitch.
Maybe if you worked with your team and shared the workload rather than trying to do the whole thing yourself (so as to be the big hero at the end of the day), then perhaps you wouldn't be in this situation.
And seriously dude, see a fucking dermatologist. What the hell is on your face?! That thing has a heartbeat!
I just learned that when you worked here, you used to help yourself to the liquor cabinet!
Ummm that's pretty ballsy don't you think?
Too-Cool just told me that. Yeah I know ... I should probably take that with a grain of salt - he's probably drunk himself right now. I can actually still hear him talking to someone about a particular bottle of rum.
Wow ... who knew I would complete that project so quickly?!
When I met you earlier in the day at my tailor and we failed to exchange numbers I thought I may see you around ... I wasn't expecting to see you again so quickly. Nor was I expecting that we have a mutual friend. Well ok, a more-than-friend. Ok fine, a more-than-friend for me.
You're fucking golfing in the office again and you suck.
You keep hitting walls with the ball and by the sounds of it, you're taking chunks out of the carpet.
Sometimes I secretly wish that you'd hit someone with the ball who then sues you or something. Seriously ... wouldn't you feel like a complete asshole if you did that? It's going to take something like that to wipe off that cool, arrogant look you always have on your face.
I think you know that I resigned today but you haven't said anything to me.
First of all ... business casual does not mean a ratty black sweatshirt, tapered black jeans and dirty black Doc Marten boots. Seriously dude, if a client walks in the door what kind of impression do you think you give them?
Secondly, you still have not produced a valid social insurance number making you legally eligible to work in the country. Ok fair enough, it is being renewed and while it is being renewed you are supposedly allowed to continue to work. I'm not sure why they let you though. You never produced any documentation to prove it is actually being renewed at the moment and the 45 days you said it would take for this process to be completed has ended. A while ago.
You're lucky the powers-that-be here have poor communication skills and lack any sense of proper organization and procedures. I'm sure you'll be able to take advantage of them long after I'm gone.
Just for the record, I didn't listen to one word of the converstion we just had. Ok not true, I think I recall hearing parent-teacher interviews, which I am sure was right before my brain shut down.
I don't care ok? I really don't care. Secondly, I am half asleep at the moment. My body is completely exhausted and there's this dull pain in my head likely from the lack of sleep and bottle of wine I drank last night. I feel like my body wants to throw up the pizza I just ate too. So yeah, I'm really hot right now.
It was all very last minute so someone ordered a couple of pizzas. I don't even know why they bothered. You sat by yourself, spoke to no one, and generally looked like you didn't care.
To: T Looks like you're going to call me this evening. I had a great time with you, I really did. I just think that you want to get married or something and you don't even live in the same country as me! I hear you're like this though.
To: R You're coming into town this weekend for a visit. Made no mention of spending the night at my place. It's probably best that you don't.
To: E Looks like you're back in town a little earlier than expected for a cocktail party, the invitation for which arrived in my email this afternoon as did your email. Yes, I'll be attending. I'm dying to get you back to my place alone again. Fuck it's going to be hot.
Wow, that was fast! I just received my new job offer by courier.
It all looks so official and scary. I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it. I'll read it over later while medicating my nerves with a bottle of wine.
Yeah that's great ... once I'm plastered, I'll write my resignation letter. Good combination.
Yesterday I was offered a new job that would pay me a substantial amount more than you do.
This was a tough one for me.
I'm actually still a little in shock that I turned this down.
When I leave here ... and I hope that day comes soon ... I want to be completely sure I'm going to be happy. I just didn't know with this one. I want to know for sure.
So you're still stuck with me ... er, I mean ... I'm still stick with you.
You know, I'm not sure how this all happened but I am so glad it did.
Earlier in the evening I didn't really think that much of you or even speak to you very much but when we were on the dancefloor it was like something came over me ... and you!
Oh just for the record ... you only need to makeout with me once or twice on the dancefloor. If I reciprocate after that then that means I'm in to you too and you're probably coming home with me. Any more making out after that and I may just get annoyed. You however, are hot shit and you were coming home with me no matter what so I forgive you. I did want to stay the whole night and dance more but you had a flight home to catch (yeah, typical ... you don't live here).
It was pretty fucking amazing thank you very much. The second time was just as good.
So how is it that missed the conversation earlier in the evening when you were discussing your relationship? And how is it that everyone I sleep with tells me this afterwards? Why is it that I don't care and can't wait to do it again when you're back in town in two weeks?
So far though ... none of you have pissed me off too much. No one has run to me to tell me of some emergency situation desperately needing my attention (that you could probably fix yourself) so it seems like you managed just fine without me.
I'm warning you though ... be nice. I'm going through major vacation withdrawl. I miss the beach ... the countless cocktails ... the amazing new friends .... the sex.
But perhaps I'll tell you more about that another time....
I'm sure you're a really nice lady and all but I just can not stand small-talk. Especially not this morning - I'm hungover and all I really want to do right now is throw-up and crawl back into bed.
When I mentioned that I thought the other line looked quicker, I was essentially suggesting that you move into it.
