To: Sighs-a-Lot

Just when I go and say you're growing on me and you have to go and ruin the whole thing!

This morning before you changed into your proper footwear for the conference, I looked down and to my horror saw that you were wearing a pair of Crocs. You were wearing fucking Crocs!?! Like we just finished having a conversation about a gay friend of yours, you'd think that you'd know better than that! I'm sure he wouldn't take to kindly to those rubber disasters you're walking around in! Sweetie, girlfriend needs to bitchslap some sense into that head of yours.