When I met you at a party earlier this year you insisted that we had met before. I thought perhaps you were right but really had no recollection. I was informed by my friend later that evening that I had indeed met you the previous weekend and made out with you in full view of everyone at the club we were at. Yes, that's right, I'm a class act.
You were at the same party as I this past weekend. This time the shoe was in the other food and you kissed me. Your memory of this is a little fuzzy; this I've learned through messages we've exchanged. Hilarious. I think we're on the same page though as to where this may be going.
The whole crew is transplanting themselves to a neighbouring city for the long weekend.
You're going to be there. E is going to be there. My ex is going to be there. A recent lunch date (yeah that's right I've been tight lipped about that one so don't ask) will be there.
Oh dear ... someone's going to be popular this weekend. ;)
I fucking can't believe you you fucking lazy bitch!
On the 3rd of my building is the recreation centre - gym, pool, sundeck - which is the floor you got on at. Clearly you had been working out, you're in good shape, you're wearing workout gear - you get the idea. I just about kicked you back out the fucking door as it was closing as I watched your finger pressed "4".
Are you kidding me? Are you seriously fucking kidding me? You can run on a treadmill, use the eleptical and God knows what else yet you can't walk a flight of stairs?! One flight of stairs?!
I mean we're at the fucking company social fun day and you show up looking like a woman at the Kentucky freaking Derby wearing an over-sized hat with some ribbon crap wrapped around it!
Seriously?! Did you even look at yourself before you left the office? It was hiliarous ... seriously I could not believe what I was seeing. You reminded me of Miss Culture-is-my-Middle-Name from my previous job for a brief moment because only she would be as stupid as you to wear such an inappropriate accessory and think she looked good.
When you called I had just stepped out of the shower, I was naked, and I just started to cook dinner. (Aside: "cooking" dinner is a new thing for me. Its totally different than eating in a restaurant or ordering food. I'm getting used to it, because I want to be better at it, but it's still very new)
YOU: I have to go to this thing tonight but I'm starving, do you want to grab a bite quickly? ME: Oh yeah totally, I was just thinking about eating.
I immediately wrapped up what was on the stove, threw on a pair of jeans and headed out like none of the previous 20 minutes of my life even happened. You were on time and exactly where I told you to meet me. Your lips tasted so fucking good.
Just like the last time you are staying at a friend's place while he is out of town - someone I am friends with as well. To be honest I just expected to have dinner tonight and for us to hang out more tomorrow since you have plans this evening but when you suggested I come back with you to hang out while you got ready, I was more than happy to oblige. Again, like the last time I had not been to this particular friend's place before ... this is becoming a trend with you.
You're so fun to have sex with. I love how you just slammed me against the wall the minute the door closed behind me and ripped off my clothes. You're so fucking hot.
When we were done our other mutual friend was waiting downstairs to take you to the event you're at now (incidently, this is the friend who's place we did it at last time while he was out of town, and someone who sends me messages often wanting to hang out). Needless to say, we agreed that you'd leave the building first, get in his car, and I'd slip out undetected afterwards. It's better for both of us that way.
You dirty little skank. If they only knew.
I learned tonight that we're going to be in the same city in two weeks at the same party. This is going to be interesting. You're going to be with friends who know your other half ... and my ex (who lives in your city) will be there with me.
You're a fucking stalker and I wish you'd leave me alone.
A while back when you sent me a message asking if I had a good time the night before, I was seriously thinking who the fuck is this? You insisted that I knew who you were and proceeded to describe places I go and what I look like. That's fucking creepy you whack job! I responded politely and apologized for not recognizing you.
I learned through a friend you're some sketchy sleezebag who frequents the same club I like to go dancing at. Even though I did not reply to any of your subsequent messages, you don't seem to get the hint.
I saw you yesterday when I was having lunch on a patio with a friend. You rode by on your bike but then circled back several times before parking your bike and sitting at the patio directly across the street from us. Coincidence? I doubt it.
Last night as I returned to the dance floor, you grabbed my arm and spoke to me:
YOU: Hey [my name here], did you have a good week? ME: Ummm yeah. I did. [purposely confused look on my face] I'm sorry, do I know you? Have we met? YOU: It's [your name here] ME: [pause, confused look] Oh! I know who you are.
I turned around and walked away. Leave me alone you fucking freak of nature!
I don't normally take the subway to work in the morning. I prefer to walk since I live downtown; this morning, however, it was raining so I had no choice. You must have been in a real hurry to get to work because, although the train was full when it arrived at the stop you proceeded to squeeze your fat ass on to, you still managed to somehow plow your way through those of us how were standing on the train by the door you entered through. I don't understand you impatient fucks ... the train is full, can't you wait a few minutes longer for the next one? I practically unintentionally sexually assulted you as you rubbed every part of your body against mine in order to get past me. Gross.
I don't think you're really my type and your M.O. is a bit creepy.
The scene: Me stepping out of a tanning bed as the time had just finished, naked. A text message from an unknown number is received on my phone.
YOUR TEXT: Mmm ;)
Ok considering I was standing there naked, I was a little concerned.
ME: [text back]: Who is this? YOU: Just a fan ;) ME: Do I know you? YOU: Yes, but not well. I don't really know you either. Just think you're cute. ME: Thanks. I'm sorry I don't know who you are. Do we have mutual friends or see each other out often? YOU: Ha ha ... I'm being an idiot. Not your fault. We just see each other now and then ... You're often on your way home from work ... I'd guess
The messages continue but at this point I figured out it was you (tanning salon employee) which you later confirmed.
I suppose I should feel flattered but I why do I get this gross feeling that you were spying on me naked?
