To: Hoteler

People who work for the company who don't have an assigned office or desk and who "sign in" when at the office are called hotelers. You're a hoteler.

Until yesterday we had never spoken a word to each other. You sort of have this lazy look about you, I can't quite put my finger on it, but I had decided I didn't like you. In fact, I think I once blogged about you and gave you a name with "Lazy" in it. I notice lately you've been signing into a desk near me and my co-workers and I just assume it's because we often have food left over from meetings that we put out for everyone and I know how much you enjoyed that one day. Seriously, the amount of times you came back for more I almost suggested you just take the whole damn thing with you! I also sometimes think you're a lesbian and you like my co-worker. There wouldn't be anything wrong with that of course, I'm just sayin's all. (-;

So you spoke to me the other day ... you even used my name like you know me or something. That's kinda weird if you ask me. I don't know you're name and it's not like you even thought to introduce yourself; you just asked me for help with something.

I'm glad I knew the answer. I didn't really want to spend any length of time talking to you.

To: É

Merci beaucoup.

To: Boss

Assume is pronounced "ass-oom", not "ash-oom".

You know, just so you know.

To: É

I accepted your invitation to spend the long weekend with you and purchased my train ticket today. I'm really looking forward to it too.

Je pratiquerai mon français.

To: N

You totally broke the fuck buddy rules tonight.

Normally we just have sex ... that's what we do. Tonight we went out for drinks (WTF?!) ... although I figured sex would follow.

I was wrong.

Your reason why was the real shocker.

You wanted to set a precedent by not having sex and thereby take what we have to a higher level (your words, not mine).

Ummm ok. To say I was speechless is a real understatement. Even as I type this I can't believe those are the words that came out of your mouth.

I don't know "N", I really don't.

We'll see what happens...

To: É

I'm really surprised ... pleasantly ... at how things have developed and I'm looking forward to the plans we've made. I'm glad we met while on holiday.

To: Front Row Classmate

Honestly, if you fucking brown-nose one more time I'm going to throw my textbook at your face.

I arrive to class a little early yesterday and there you are chatting with the teacher throwing out all these buzzwords from the textbook that no normal human would use in any sentence ever. Can you hear yourself? You are a total joke.

Your face is so far up the teacher's ass, you're practically wearing her as a hat and scarf!

To: Negative Nancy

Every word out of your fucking mouth is something negative. Seriously bitch, cheer the fuck up! If you don't want to be in class, just fucking leave!! I'm sick of hearing you sigh or make smart ass remarks under your breath as the teacher is trying to teach a class. You paid to be here! You should have saved your fucking money and bought a new attitude with it.

To: É

While on holiday, you wanted to set me up with your friend who I was not interested in.

Since returning from holiday, I have really enjoyed getting to know you better and look forward to the plans we've tentatively made.