I recognized you immediately as I approached you but only as a lesser attractive version than I was expecting. [Sigh ... yup, again]
Truth be told though, I enjoyed our conversation but I'm sorry there just is not a fit there. I hope I made that clear in the most polite way possible.
As we were chatting, I noticed my dinner date for tomorrow night was calling...
I really need to stop agreeing to some of these dates. Again, this one was over in my mind the minute it started.
The first thing I saw was your sunglasses and I'm sorry but if there is anyone who knows a thing or two about sunglasses, it's me. Yours looked rediculous on you. Only a certain person can wear a lense with that type of gradient fade to it. You're not one of those people.
When you said hello I thought your front teeth were going to reach out and bite me or something. I think if they were pushed back slightly, your face would be a happier place to look at.
I liked your suggestion of a wine bar for this date but after discovering the aforementioned unfortunate attributes you had, I knew I either had to fake an illness immediately or get us there as quick as possible so I could medicate this situation with a glass of chianti.
Upon arriving:
WINE STEWARD: What do you like? ME: I like chianti. WINE STEWARD: We have a nice... ME: I'll take it.
Ugh! You hippy artsy ones are all the same. Everything with you is bad. Corporate philanthropy is bad because they’re really only looking out for their best interest. D esigner clothing is bad because it’s overpriced and conformist. Bars and clubs are bad because they’re only about shameless pick-ups. Get over it! Get the fuck over it! Companies are actually giving you money to enjoy events you go to, designer clothing is nice way to treat yourself with money you earned yourself and you don’t like going out because of your unfortunate looks. Your fucking bitterness about your lot in life is not attractive to anyone and perhaps when you grow up you’ll grow out of this sense of entitlement and superiority you have.
For the record, our date today was over the minute I set eyes on you. Yep, no way no how! I'm not sure what I was thinking when I agreed to this one. What follows is always the part I hate, however; me pretending to care, listen, stay awake. I’m polite about it though and I think even very friendly.
I lied when I said I had to answer my vibrating blackberry – there was no text message. I actually sent a text to my friend telling him to call me in 20 minutes and to just follow my lead. Twenty minutes later that call was made up – my friend didn’t have a sick cat that needed to go to the vet. My friend doesn’t even have a cat.
