To: the "organic" one

Ugh! You hippy artsy ones are all the same. Everything with you is bad. Corporate philanthropy is bad because they’re really only looking out for their best interest. D esigner clothing is bad because it’s overpriced and conformist. Bars and clubs are bad because they’re only about shameless pick-ups. Get over it! Get the fuck over it! Companies are actually giving you money to enjoy events you go to, designer clothing is nice way to treat yourself with money you earned yourself and you don’t like going out because of your unfortunate looks. Your fucking bitterness about your lot in life is not attractive to anyone and perhaps when you grow up you’ll grow out of this sense of entitlement and superiority you have.

For the record, our date today was over the minute I set eyes on you. Yep, no way no how! I'm not sure what I was thinking when I agreed to this one. What follows is always the part I hate, however; me pretending to care, listen, stay awake. I’m polite about it though and I think even very friendly.

I lied when I said I had to answer my vibrating blackberry – there was no text message. I actually sent a text to my friend telling him to call me in 20 minutes and to just follow my lead. Twenty minutes later that call was made up – my friend didn’t have a sick cat that needed to go to the vet. My friend doesn’t even have a cat.