Yesterday I met with our HR boss about me transitioning "#5" over to you. I was met with:
HR: [Your name here] is not happy about this. ME: I can completely understand that. HR: To ease the transition that was supposed to be today, she has asked that it take effect in January and that you continue to work with [#5] until then. I know you are extremely busy so I said I would talk to you about to see how you feel about this. ME: [I wanted to rip your fat fucking face off your skull at this point] Well, I am really busy but I imagine things should slow down somewhat around the holidays so it's ok [What was I going to say? No? Bitch.] I mean, I have waiting this long, what's one more month? HR: Well that's a good attitude, thanks very much for understanding.
You are a fucking douche. I did you a fucking favour by taking him off your plate for as long as I did. I'm so sorry you aren't pleased about this but I don't fucking give a shit you pathetic cry baby. Grow up and deal with it.
When I ran into you at the elevator this afternoon I did the polite thing and held it open for you as you were just coming out of the office. I should have let it close while giving you the finger.
You looked really pretty this afternoon when you started to speak and all that came out was an inaudible sound and the spray of cracker crumbs. Really pretty. Perhaps next time you shouldn't shove so much food in your mouth ... oh or better yet, perhaps you should swallow your food before you speak to someone.
Tonight was our last night of class and assuming we all take the next course in this series, we won't meet again until May. A few of you, I wouldn't mind seeing again but for two of you - a few parting words from moi:
To: Uptighty Pants I thought this was a cute little creative name to give you - a) because I decided you were an uptight bitch when you told the class you thought the ad I designed was offensive; and b) because you come to class dressed in tight black stretch pants - something a woman with your figure ought not to do. You know pulling a comb through you hair every so often wouldn't be the wrong answer.
To: Stupid Girl You're so stupid, I had to write about you once before (http://justsayinsall.blogspot.com/2007/10/to-stupid-classmate.html). Your 25 minute presentation in class this evening exceeded the 3-5 minutes we were instructed to present in immeasurable ways. I will try, however, to explain in some fashion the mess that was you this evening. You started off well - loved how you had us laughing about how you left it all to the last minute, had no idea what to speak about and decided your topic would be "nothing". However, I was not expecting you to ask two classmates to simulateneously blow bubbles that you provided so that you could have a Lawrence Welk moment while presenting. It happened though - you presented while bubbles were being blown around you. From there, if I recall, you then spend a good solid 10 minutes drawing calligraphy on the board while explaining one ancient symbol as representing fullness but that because it has it all it is inherently "nothing". WTF? The best part was your big finished. "I'd just like to finish by reading a poem" you said, and I apologize if my sudden burst of laughter distracted you. I couldn't hold it in any longer - I thought maybe I was high and you were some type of hippy fairy or something. Thank you . Thank you so much for that; that was really special.
Sorry, I just don't know any other way to put it. I mean ok, sure maybe "large" or "big boned" might sound nicer but when have I really chosen to go the nice route? Read the archives, you'll see what I mean. Its really no big deal, I really don't give a shit what size you are, I'm just giving you a name for my blog - that's all.
I learned yesterday that I'm off the hook and next week he's all yours. I heard you were not pleased about this. Naturally I've been avoiding you at all costs - a) because I don't want to appear too happy about it and thus seem like a dick; and b) because I generally don't like you a whole lot, you talk so loudly and sound so fake when doing so that I'm embarassed to have a conversation with you, and I'm also afraid you might eat me.
Today we bumped into each other.
We didn't talk about it all. Instead in response to me telling you that tonight was the last night of my evening course I'm currently taking, you told me about how much you had wanted to do a course on the side but discovered just as recently as this week that your brain chemicals are not balanced.
I usually don't like anyone to talk to me while I dance. I'm there for the music - period. Last night I felt like you wouldn't leave me alone! I'm fine being civil and whatnot but I didn't call you back or make any sort of attempt to get in touch with you after our night together a few months back. I'm not interested. I just re-read what I wrote back then and it brought back bad memories of you sucking my face off.Gross.
